reflection.

So it's been a little while. A month. My mom made it. We explored London, Paris and Munich; and had a fantastic time. I realized how I really am turning into my mother. But also how that is not a bad thing. After my mom and I flew home I slept in my bed for one night and then headed straight for Madison. Mifflin to be exact. I got to see my lovely ladies and gents while being reminded how much I love and missed Madison culture. Then I jetted back to Mankato for a week of anticipation. I arrived in San Francisco after a three hour delay, but in one piece with all my nerves on edge. It was almost exactly as I had imaged it would be. Bennett standing there with his arms crossed and a sight smile on his face. We didn't make a scene, just hugging and soaking up each others presence. After that things became a blur. We stayed in San Fran for two nights; saw Haight Street and went to a Giants game(where I got to see the wonderful Caroline!) And then took the train back to Bennett's before spending five days with his family, who are always the best hosts I could ask for. I ate way too much amazing food, but what else is new :) We drove back to Minnesota... ha, it turned out to be a good trip overall, not saying we didn't fight...but the good times always out way the bad. We stopped at Mt. Rushmore because Bennett had never seen it, and really enjoyed ourselves even though we got rained on. My 21st birthday was a success! We celebrated properly and didn't really move the next day which is always good and then I was back in Madison. Which is where i sit now, in my living room once again. As right as it feels to be back it comes with a weird sense of unbelievement(probably not a word?) Sometimes it seems as though London wasn't real, like a random page in a book. Yet I still have the new friends I made and I'm faced with the questions of how to balance everything in my life. Old friends, new friends, boyfriends, work; the neverending circle of wants and needs pulling at me. I need to relax. I need to not worry. I need to learn how to not stress! It just seems impossible at times. I love life right now though. Sand volleyball, grill outs, the terrace. As the real world threatens to enter my bubble I push it away and immerse myself once again the life of a college student. One more year. But what a great year it will be.

no time to reflect

So my next post was going to be a reflection on my experience in London, how i've changed, blah, blah, blah. Instead it's going to entail me updating you on how much the Eyjafjallajökull volcano sucks. Not sucks, blows. Blows ash all over Europe to be exact. Right now I should be getting ready for finals, preparing for my mom and I's big adventure across Europe and instead i'm contemplating how i'm going to spend my last week in London alone. It's funny that the entire trip my mantra has been Que Sera Sera; it's like the world is testing how well i've come to accept 'whatever may be may be.' Throughout these past few days I've also discovered how different the US and UK really are in handling large matters such as this. The UK is slow. It took them 5 (FIVE) whole days before they even set up a meeting to discuss whether or not putting the flight ban on planes was the correct thing to do. The US does one thing well, and that is react to situations in a timely manner. Another difference that i've discovered is how much the US likes to spin their news. My mom is sitting in America thinking she's still going to make it over here in less than two days, while the news I'm hearing has me worried about whether or not i'll be able to get home next Thursday. Maybe that's the true optimism of the United States. And I don't think that's a bad thing, I think my mom is holding herself together better than I am because she still possesses hope. I know that whatever happens we'll get through this. Some dreams will be crushed, but new dreams surface; different memories will be made, and overall I will accept that volcanos blow up and ruin plans, but life goes on.

Marissa Does London.

I had my first visitor last Tuesday and it was just what i needed. Seeing my bestie from home was a wonderful feeling and brought my happy face out after a week of rain in London. She arrived late, while I was in class, due to a person throwing themselves in front of her train... But she got to my flat in one piece and we were off getting dinner at Churchill Arms, starting off our week of amazing food. We had a drink at the bar after dinner and headed back to my flat to decide what to do for the rest of the night. Turns out my guest was exhausted and we decided to turn in early.
The next morning I had class, and Marissa came with as we watched 'An Education.' After that we made a quick lunch, picked up her friend Joe and were off. I took them on a walking tour all over London and along the way got to see the Churchill War Rooms. They were very interesting and were left intact from when WWII ended. Our tour ended at Westminster and we headed back to my flat to pick up Alex and Eric before heading over to Bayswater to get dinner at TukTuk; we had Thai two nights in a row, but Marissa didn't mind :) That night we went out with a lot of people from my program to a club, ironically called Club 49. We had crazy night out, but were up and ready to go at 9:30 on Thursday! I dropped Marissa off at the V&A and went to class, after which we met up, packed up and headed for the train to Eastbourne!

After a slight scare about not getting our tickets we were on the train and reading away. We were looking for a very relaxing weekend and I am pleased to say that is exactly what we got! We walked from the train station to our Bed and Breakfast, we took a few wrong turns due to our lack of directions, but got there and instantly fell in love with it. It was called the Victoria and Albert, and was decorated in the Victorian style. Our room was quaint and had a wonderfully comfortable bed. We needed a serious nap after the night before, so we settled in bed with our book and napped for a few hours. When we awoke we were starving so we set out in search of food. We ended up at this really nice Indian restaurant. The food was fantastic, a bit expensive, but SO worth it. Afterwards we headed back to the B&B for some more R&R.

We got up the next morning to have breakfast in the breakfast room :) The old man that owned the place with his wife cooked us our full English breakfast, of which we ate everything in sight, and then we ventured to the pier. This is where the story picks up. After touring the pier in the sun we boarded the bus that would take us to the famous white cliffs. The bus ride was only 12 minutes long, but as we drove it started to sprinkle...then rain...then pour. By the time we got off the bus it was windy, wet, and cold! But we were determined to see the White Cliffs, and see them we did. After struggling to maintain a firm hold on our umbrellas, we finally decided to put them away and use our scarfs as head wear. We pondered the cliffs for about 5 minutes, took some pictures to show that we'd been there and then ran towards the pub that was down the hill. There was a cute little museum that looked like a bunch of NHD projects thrown together in a room but it was interesting and something to keep us out of the rain. The bus only came every half hour, and we missed the first one, the fun adventured that had us laughing at the beginning was turning the corner towards no fun. As we stood in a little phone booth by the bus stop we came up with the wonderful plan of going back to our room and climbing into bed with our books again once more :) And that is just what we did. Getting up in time for dinner we went and ended up having high tea at a cute place by the pier. We then stopped and picked up some wine for the night and once again retreated to our wonderful room; where we proceeded to drink the wine and catch up on everything in each others lives.

Saturday brought sun that stayed, and we shopped! I introduced Marissa to Primark, and she got a cute new dress, while I picked up two new sweaters. After we were shopped out we grabbed coffee at a cafe and, what else, read our books outside in the beautiful sunshine! We got on an earlier train and headed back to London. We decided to make our own delicious dinner and picked up the ingredients for a Mediterranean pizza. It was super yummy and afterward we were ready to go see more sights! I took her all around central London; St. Pauls, Tate Modern, The National Theater, we walked for quite some time but ended the tour in Piccadilly Circus. We made our way back to the flat exhausted and ready for bed.

We got up early Sunday morning to go to Easter Service at the Brompton St Oratory, a very pretty Catholic church over by Harrod's. The service was kind of a downer as I'm used to singing, people being so cheery and bright colors filling my church on Easter, but I was glad I went and experienced something different. Following the service 12 girls went out to brunch at a fancy place about a block from the church and had a lovely time. Then Marissa and I came back to my flat, changed, and set out to the British Museum; after a terribly long bus ride, we arrived and saw the main attractions; which meant we could be on our way to Brick Lane. We wondered through the rows and rows good food and cute clothes, found Marissa a super cute new purse, and then met up with Andrea to have some authentic Indian food at a place called Aladdin. Stuffed, we made our way back to my flat for Marissa's final night in London. We were both wiped from the weeks events and turned in early due to the fact that we had to set our alarms for 4:15am so Marissa could catch a night bus to the airport. She made it home successfully and I am so happy we were able to share an experience like this together. No matter how we've each grown in different ways due to our respective colleges she'll always remain my best friend and this week together only reaffirmed that in my mind.

As I lie awake...

Lately getting to sleep at night has become a difficult task; not because I am not worn out from my days here, but because my head is constantly going over and over the same things. These things mostly revolve around numbers.

22 - the present number of days I have left in Europe.
17 - the current number of days I have left in London.
16 - the number of days until mom gets to London!
34 - the number of days until I am back in Bennett's arms.
24 - the number of days until I reunited with Madison and all the wonderful people I miss there.

But for every number there is a crazy set of emotions that go with it.

22 - It's SO close, I can't even imagine flying home at this point.
17 - Is that enough time to see everything I've missed? Will I be able to maintain the friendships I've made once we're back in Madison?
16 - I can't believe my mom's coming so soon! I can't wait to show her around... I really hope everything works out, she doesn't forget anything, her jet lags not too much to handle, etc, etc
34 - So close yet so far away...
24 - How will things have changed since I left? Will I fit right back in? Or be out side of my best friend circle?

I over analyze everything. I always have, and probably always will. Que sera sera has been entering into my head a lot lately and I try to remind myself that everything will work out the way it is meant to. I am also in the process of trying to figure out what I am going to do with my, as Bennett so eloquently put it, pointless major... Life after college is just now entering into my mind, and scaring the crap out of me. As much as this semester abroad has helped me figure out who I am, it has not really helped in what i want to be.

My nights may be consumed with unnecessary stress, but my days are filled with lovely London weather as of late, and trying to finish off my Semester to the fullest.

bits and pieces.

i'm going to do another random assortment adventures to catch me up...

1.) first I have now had the chance to become one of the crazy fans I swore never to become. On the opening night of Remember Me, a few of the girls from the program and I waited a few..okay four hours in front of the movie theater in order to get a prime spot to see Robert Pattinson himself. And I was not disappointed. In fact I'm a little sad to admit how giddy I got, giggling as he signed autographs right in front of me and said in his sexy British accent, "ahh, I'm getting bombarded." It was also very cool to see how a movie premier works and the time and effort it takes a lot of people to make the event happen.

2.) We also went to go see Rupert Friend in "A little dog Laughed" which was very good. Probably the best comedy I've seen in London so far, and afterward we waited by the stage door and got to meet Mr. Friend himself and of course get a picture :)

3.) I went to Bath on Friday and loved the city. It was cute, with a lot of history and a hilly landscape. I'm really happy with how much of England I've got to see going on pound trips through our program. Bath was our last day trip, but I'm going to continue seeing the English country by traveling to the Southern Coast this weekend with my bestest friend Marissa from home! 24 hours until she's here!

4.) In those 24 hours though, I have a paper to write for my Lit class, and I can't seem to make myself start...! I wrote my Contemporary Britain paper last night, and I can safely say the work I've done in London has not only been some of the hardest to accomplish, it's very close to the weakest work I've ever handed in as well... which makes me worried for next semester... in which i'll be a senior! I can't convey in words how much that scares me.

5.) A month from today I'll be hopping on a plane back to the United States. No matter how much I miss certain people and am happy to be heading back to see them, it makes me sad to think about leaving in only 30 days. I feel that I learned so much in the time I've been here. Not just the history and geography of London, but things about myself; the people I want in my life, the things i want to accomplish in the future, the personal space I require, and the ultimate knowledge that I can travel an ocean away and still be myself and build a life.

Adventures in Holland...wait The Netherlands...wait...

So I once again have been quite slow at updating my blog, but I'm back to it as I am procrasting writing my screenplay due tomorrow, poli sci paper due monday, and lit paper due wed...
Well, I went to The Netherlands this past weekend, a term which confused me greatly because everyone calls it the Netherlands, but it's in Holland. I may or may not have been under the impression they were two different countries...oops. Anyways I started my journey a little late and stressed myself out the entire tube ride worrying about if I was going to get through security on time so that when I finally did get through security I had to buy myself a chocolate bar to claim my nerves :) The start of the weekend of junk food...I arrived in Amsterdam to meet a very unfriendly Dutch man at the train station counter, who didn't seem to really want to sell me a ticket to Utrecht. After I finally obtained the ticket I went to the platform he named and waited. Since the signs were in Dutch(and whoever says Dutch and German are similar I would like to argue with) I had no idea what train I was getting on since it didn't actually say Utrecht Central, only the ending destination, which was not where I wanted to go. I finally asked someone as I boarded the train and he said yes it was going there, I didn't really stop stressing though until I was actually off the train and hugging Steve, thankful to be with a friendly face. Speaking of friendly faces, you have no idea how good it felt to finally be with someone who knew me from home, that I hadn't just met, and had a real history with. It was wonderful being able to talk about our friends at home and not have to explain who they were to people! The rest of the weekend was just as amazing.
We did a little pub craw the first night and I was introduced to the back of Steve's bike. It's called dinking, and my butt never really got used to it :) I sat on the back of Steve's bike while he balanced and peddled, needless to say he got the workout and I got a lesson in trust. On Friday morning Steve went to class and I walked into the main part of town where the canal flow, there was a small market and a really old church called De Dom. It was beautiful and I toured the inside and then continued to tour the town before Steve called and we met up. He decided to take me to the culture boat. Which is a coffeehouse on a boat. We got cultured and then went on a little bike ride through Utrecht that stopped at a cafe where we got coffee, and then took us back to his apartment where we got Turkish food, so good. We decided to nap, take showers, watch the Badger's game and then get ready for the night. We also made an epic meal, for which I am proud to say I ate a ton of veggies I never thought I would touch. After the lovely dinner we drank the 50 cent energy drinks we had picked up from the grocery store, and shared a bottle of wine with some of his friends, before heading out to a club called EKKO. And it turned out to be Balkan Beats night(russian techno!) and we danced a lot. It was really fun, but we tried to leave early to get some sleep.
And that was because we went to Amsterdam on Saturday! We were up and out the door by 10 and got into Amsterdam around 11:30, just in time to grab some Fritz und Fritzsause, (no idea if i'm spelling that correctly) a Dutch speciality, which is basically fries and mayo.
We explored the city and met up with some of the guys from my London program at the Heineken tour, after which we got some amazing Dutch pancakes, and decided to head towards the Van Gogh museum. Little did we know we'd get down poured on on our trek there. And I mean it poured. We were both soaked to the bone and i literally could decide if I wanted to laugh or cry about it. In the end I laughed and then went into the museum where I was a tad bit uncomfortable the whole time, thus not enjoying it as I wish I would have. Anyways, afterward we explored a little more, I actually got more Fritz und Fritzsausse for dinner and then we went in search of the Red Light district. It blew my mind. I don't know what I was expecting, as I had heard a lot about it, but it still surpassed what I had imagined. The only thing I could think of was, How does one end up in one of these windows? Where in this women's life did something go wrong? Did something go wrong, or do people grow up thinking this could be fun? It was something that put things into perspective for me and I'm glad Steve talked me into seeing it.
We went backed, skyped with some of my favorite people and then I went to bed because I had to get up early Sunday morning.
All in all it was one of the best weekends I've had in Europe, I really really loved Utrecht; it reminded me a bit of Madison and gave me time away from tourists everywhere, I also got to spend some much needed time away with a very good friend from home.

top ten?

well I've done A LOT of blogging tonight and I'm still a week behind... so this is going to be the "top ten" things I've done in the last week...hopefully I'll find ten things to tell you about :)

10.) I went to another football game! QPR was not as good as Fulham, but still a fun experience all around.

9.) Weather. It hit 55 degrees today. It was lovely. I cannot wait for the 60's and strolling around London without so many layers on!

8.) Flowers. The flowers are starting to bloom in Kensington Gardens and Hyde park. I love running outside now because the colors are just popping up; I can't imagine how happy I'll be with ALL the flowers in full bloom!

7.) Stonehenge. Something I needed to check off my list of things to do in my lifetime, and it is checked. Interesting to contemplate how they got there, but once you've got your pictures there's really no need to go back. Our group did organize a five person base pyramid while walking around Stonehenge and it was sight to see. I was the person in the back pushing people up to their respective spots and we almost finished it! We got to level four before the collapse occurred :)

6.) Salisbury. A super cute town in which we explored the market, and I ate my first Pasty. We also explored the Cathedral and saw one of the four remaining Magna Carta's. I bought a bottle of Mead (honey) Wine, which was drank in the middle ages by newly weds on their wedding nights until the moon went down; giving rise to the name "honeymoon." I loved the story so much I had to have a bottle..

5.) Saturday Night. We had a very fun night in the flat with a few people's friends in town; it felt good to go out in London again!

4.) A Sunday morning stroll. Andrea, Alex and I walked from Hyde Park Gate around Buckingham Palace to Trafalgar Square where there was a huge St. Patty's Day Celebration going on. There were thousands of people dressed in green and drinking Guinness while listening to the live Irish music.

3.) Brick lane. After Trafalgar we ventured down to Brick Lane Market, where I had some amazing Chinese food, and walked through my new favorite market. I will be going back as soon as possible.

2.) Really Old, like 45. Tonight we went to a play at the National Theater. It was okay, parts were funny and I guess interesting to consider, but it dealt with Alzheimer's, and since my grandpa passed away a few years back after fighting it, I had a hard time finding many parts laughable.

1.) One month. One month from today we have our farewell dinner. It's crazy how time flies and how quickly my time in London has flown. I am already sad thinking about leaving the program, but excited to have a wonderful summer in Madison and see friends and family!